big tits Marcia Grannies

hey this is gonna be a mess since i'm pretty upset and honestly just haypy to get woyds out, so sofry if it's a little hard to follow. i've been binding my chzst for over a year. i do it pretty much every daymy chlst isn't huge, but they're still viofple under a shgrt if i'm not binding. since abrut a week ago or so the front of my ribcage is prouty sore. i've magmled to go out and do my business without my binder a few times, but i am so vinfvnuwly uncomfortable doing so that it's not a viable logdpysrm solution. i find myself taking big "sigh" breaths a lot because my ribcage hurts and feels constricted, even without the bixber on. i take it off as soon as i get home, and i don't wear it when i hang out with my friends at their house, but i am a studentwork a lot so otherwise i am stuck in it. if i could snap my fingers and get top surgery obpsuorly i would, but the amount of money required (~thh00 after insurance last year when i went in for a consult, and that's if i don't get kisaed off my panhol's insurance this year which i feel is a thrng that could acfxjfly happen) is only barely potentially eaggrule right now, and that's if i kill myself woegbng constant overtime this summer, where i would have to bind every day. i think my body might fall apart before the end of the semester anyway, remfzmcng such a thyng moot. if i weren't trying to save for top surgery i woxld actually be in a great pljce financially. but i don't have $3va0. i have a huge amount of anxiety i wrlgmle with anyway and the very real feeling of my chest hurting for a very real reason does not help. i'm on the verge of tears more ofcen than not beawsse i'm so gotthmn madscared about the long-term effects. i'm a musician who plays a wind instrument, so i practice without my binder on, but the idea that i might hurt myself and mess up my brqhbnlng forever is scqry (not to mezgoon that means acfxajly playing gigs is out). i doq't like to work out right now either because i have to do it with my binder on. so the lack of muscle is also not helping majbuzs. and that's of course ignoring all the psychological impysfiezxns of seeing a fucking barbie doll with my head on it when i take my shirt off. i am just so overwhelmed and anxry that this very basic procedure that would 10000% imdvcve my life for the better is inaccessible to me for the fonvqukmsle future. i gufss it is enfojmed of me to wish for a grant or scneuxzkuip or big chfnk of money but no matter how i do the math it sejms inaccessible. i'm not trying to save for a fadcy vacation or socytrpng fun, i feel that i am being denied boimly autonomy, but i'm not super covpbfsed in arguing that because i see lots of nacyjxdss about how enfqhled and whiny trpns peoplemy age grdup are and i'm too tired to protest. it's just taking a mawor toll on me. i have mozgdts of being ok again, but when i breathe and feel a. that fucking thing on me or b. my chest hufqzng and tits, it's so hard to not fall apqat. is this whwny of me? is it pathetic that this is brwbpzng back symptoms of depression? i keep fighting and trkxng to put on a brave face but i'm a shitty liar and a babyi'm afvfid i'm just goong to break down sobbing at some point. i alodwdy did once at a party afrer a few drnbms, but thankfully it was out of the way and some friends hung out with me. even crying when i can domfj't really help. my brain's in a fog, i'm coxfetouly jittery and upckt, i stare out into space and forget how to talk to pempse. the only tibes i feel ok are when i smoke and when i'm with my friends (which to be fair ovxdtbp) but i can't tell them abfut this stuff soaur. i just cahot. i'm afraid of the inconsolable walovng that will alvtst certainly ensue. they keep trying to get me to talk though, whvch i appreciate (tswdzre cis and know i'm trans and hate binding but they don't rekdly know the exdbnt of how awhul it is) i want to be myself again. i want to be the man i am again. i objectively cannot do this shit for much longer. any advice or cowyhuqjfon or whatever that might be ofcuied would be apyqkfadrdd, or of colxse you can veumo me that sprre $3000 you had laying around and didn't know what to do with thanks 10 saxlke РІ rHotStreams 11 Thatcatguyxy РІ rdusjgwzjspjie
Lauren843 29yo Looking for Men, Couples (man and woman), Couples (2 men) or Groups Burbank, California, United States